May 2008
81 posts
1 tag
Porn star humor with Mika Tan
So after a few beers at the party, I will feeling giddy so I go up to Mika Tan who is giddier than anybody (and sober to boot). After reading her palm, I feel we have enough of a sympatico that I can joke with her. “Hey, you’re really attractive. If you want, I can get you into porn. I have connections.” She returns the volley. “Will I have to give you a blowjob?”...
2 tags
Angelina Valentine Meets Jenna Jameson
Over the course of the weekend, only one woman upstaged Angelina Valentine: When Angelina heard that Jenna Jameson was only a few feet away, in the lobby of the Hotel W, she went into fan mode. “Oh my God — no way!” she cried. “I worship her! She’s my &$#%ing hero!” After I offered to take a photo of the two of them, Angelina rushed up to Jameson,...
“What about the night
Makes you change
Oh, from sweet
To deranged?”
– “10 a.m. Automatic,” The Black Keys. This post is dedicated to the sister of one of the celebrities.
“Anybody got a Xanax?”
– Brian the Cameraman, after dealing with the previous night’s antics, which lasted until sunrise
Welcome to the Itar-Tass American
There were some serious antics late last night. A blogger’s dream. But, I’ve been asked not to write about it. So, I won’t, comrades. I will, however, refer to it in a later post, after all items have been returned and charges dropped.
We're outa here.
Your bloggers, Bobby Fairfield, Douglas Sorito, and myself are packing up our notebooks and heading back to the hotel. The NA party is damn-near over. There may be some late-night antics — if so, we’ll post from our cell phones. Remember, Nobody Does It Better…
She's Baaaaaack!
Angelina Valentine disappeared for a minute, wandering around God-knows-where, but she wasn’t gone for the night. She came back, apparently with a vengeance, and she’s not done being naughty. Not at all. And, for that matter, neither is Naughty America. Staffers are joining in on the fun … can we show the celebrities up? Probably not, but we sure are giving them a run for their...
Christian is a good guy
So I was talking to a young aspiring porn actor, one who assured me he had “nothing to worry about.” Every guy has a dream so he came to the party to learn how to take the next step. Roxy Deville offered to help him film his first scene. Mika Tan expressed regret he wasn’t Asian. He corrected her by saying he was CAUCasian. But the nicest of all was Christian XXX who spent 30...
The Rum Runners are a good band....
We’re trying to give the complete idea of being here, but some things just don’t translate to a blog (such as punctuation). There’s a band playing in the other band, the Rum Runners. Good band, good guys from Cincinnati. They asked nicely if some of the celebrities could come up on stage. We tried but we couldn’t work it out. However, they’re a good blue collar cover...
Three down!
Scarlett Pain and Milan were the first to leave. The third was Roxy Reynolds. Reasons? Don’t know. —leopardJferry
Photos...
Angelina greets everyone from NaughtyCountryClub.com: While Abbey thinks she’s still in Brooklyn: And Naughty American blogger Bobby Fairfield III puts up with the daily grind:
We are back up!
LIVE!!!!!
Internet connection
Sorry, some things are just beyond my control. The entire bar has lost its internet connection:( I hope you all have enjoyed the LIVE show up until now, the bar is troubleshooting the issue. Lauren
Helping women become porn celebrities since 2008
So I’m talking with this young blonde who looks like she’s a porn celebrity. However, she isn’t. Yet. “I escort in Chicago, but I think I’m going to do films. I’ve pretty much made up my mind.” “Yeah, well, what’s your name?” “Cody.” “Stage name?” “Yeah.” “Do you have a last name?”...
“Nahhh. This evening is for the ladies.”
– Esteemed male porn actor and blogger of some reknown Christian XXX declines to do an interview with a cable TV show covering the event.
It's the small towns that are the naughtiest
Earlier this evening, I mentioned the two ladies who were bumping and grinding everyone (Hey! I thought I was special). So I talk to one of the woman’s hubbies and bring up the Iron Chef metaphor. “Hey, I have to say your wife and her friend really upped the naughtiness ante. I think our celebrities felt they had to step up their game. He agrees and says it’s the small towns...
More breaking news......
So this guy is lying on the floor and Angelina Valentine is grinding on his face while Roxy Reynolds and Abbey Brooks dry hump other parts of his body. He seems dazed. I would be too. Couples are grinding while watching the scene. A coworker whispers to me, “I told the DJ to play that song.” We’re proud of you.
Oops.
All night, there have been two women dancing and grooving in the center of the room (and in front of the camera that gives the live feed for NA). One of them got her t-shirt wet a few minutes ago and her lovely little nipples are showing through. She caught me glancing at her and winked at me. Instead of winking back,… I walked up to her and said, “You have the nicest tits.” Hey,...
Breaking News: Angelina Valentine Screws Floor
This just in: Naughty America celebrity Angelina Valentine, along with her cohort, was spotted gyrating, popping and, well … pretty much, she was having sex with the floor at Joe’s. Now this just in: Abbey Brooks has joined in on the fun, and it looks like some lucky bastard from the crowd got wrangled into become the object of appreciation, replacing the floor. Stay tuned for more...
Roxy Reynolds Superfan Update
T.J., who has been waiting for the right moment to talk to Roxy Reynolds, just informed me that he accomplished his mission! Not only that, but he tells me that Roxy’s presence in Chicago brought him to a party of the city that, as a Southsider, he’s not quite used to. “Whenever Roxy’s in Chicago, I find her. No matter where she is,” T.J. said. Fellow celebrity-chaser...
Photo update...
Naughty America founder Andreas, center: Roxy Reynolds: And two people who have no association with Naughty America:
Roxy Reynolds Superfan
T.J. has been lurking around, eyeing Roxy Reynolds’s every move. But he’s not “That Guy,” the creepy dude who makes everyone uncomfortable. He descibes himself as her No. 1 fan, especially since he’s been following her since she entered the industry. He told me he saw on Roxy’s MySpace that she was going to be at Joe’s. He’s seen her twice before in...
All eight still standing
For those of you keeping score at home, all eight are still going strong. Angelina Valentine is beginning to show signs of “fatigue,” though. If I were a betting man — and I am — I’d bet on her taking a taxi and some lovely parting gifts back to the hotel within the hour.
Mika Tan wants Asian guys
So this one Asian guy Rob tells me his dream is to meet Mika Tan. So I introduce him and he’s thrilled. So he graciously thanks us for the opportunity. So I bring up Mika’s pet cause: Getting more Asian guys into porn. It’s like this: There is a stereotype that Asian guys have small dicks or are bad in bed. Mika thinks this is silly. If there are more than 1 billion or so Asians,...
Yes, we want MILFs
Part of why Naughty America is traveling this great land of ours is to find other Naughty Americans. You don’t have to be in porn to be naughty. In fact, it’s safe to say that it’s naughtier to do the stuff in porn without actually going on camera. So some of our esteemed colleagues are looking for couples. There are a couple of hot women here who seem eager to be naughty, but...
Photo update...
Are you kidding me? All this guy wanted to do was watch the game… While Tremelo and Shadow get nasty… And this young woman is Angelina Valentine’s sister’s friend. She’s never done porn but she really wants to. You saw her here first…
Angelina Valentine: Man-Eater
Angelina Valentine, dancing on top of the bar at Joe’s, had just finished polishing a bald-headed patron’s dome with her crotch. While he was trying to preserve the moisture on top of his head, two men in the back of the crowd engaged in conversation regarding the topic at hand: Man One: “Where were you?” Man Two: “Up front.” Man One: “Did you take...
“Just take care of business and worry about it in the morning.”
– T.J., a Chicagoan, explaining what comes to mind when he thinks of “naughtiness.”
Nothing says love like a woman who french kisses a...
A nice young couple sitting quietly at a booth has a simple request. They’d like to meet Milan. No problem. Milan comes over in all her glory (barely hidden in a tight tank top). The guy asks me “Can you take a picture?” Sure, if you don’t mind it being of my finger. So I take the picture and Milan starts probing her tongue over the pretty young woman who is laughing with...
More photos...
Milan says hello to Angelina Valentine: And Angelina Valentine says hello to Scarlett Pain: While Abbey Brooks behaves herself:
Celebrity and Civilian Worlds Collide
Everything was relatively normal for a moment at Joe’s. Men nervously sipped their drinks and looked at women, and the women laughed at them — typical bar behavior and banter. But when a line of half-naked Naughty America celebrities strutted into the room, time seemed to stop; the air got thinner and slightly more colorful. For a second, all was eerily quiet — a delayed...
The party HAS begun
Roxy DeVille arrives: The Eight: And Christian, not singing the blues, yet:
ChristianXXX
… is in the house.
The story so far....
A lot of couples are here. One guy is here from St. Louis just to meet Mika Tan and his gal is from China. We’re going to make that happen.
NA Gets Hit On
So far, those two Midwestern pseudo-celebrity civilians are stealing the show! They’re even going after some of the Naughty America employees! But NA staffers aren’t that easy (yet), excluding, of course, the one and only Bobby Fairfield III …
Get your scorecards out!
Part of the fun of Brooklyn was watching the porn celebrities burn out (Angelina Valentine), peter out (Abbey Brooks), and fade away (Mika Tan). So, which of the eight women will leave the party first and why? Place your bets, gentlemen, in the comments section. Winner gets a little something called “respekt.”
The celebrities aren't here... yet
However, there are a few women from Indiana and Illinois who seem dead set on seeing if the celebrities can match them in naughtiness. It’s sort of like a sexual Iron Chef: Whose naughtiness will reign supreme!
Celebrity Buzz
Since I’m back in my hometown, I’ve been able to see a few friends and tell them about the Naughty America party. A few people I know are in a band, and are putting on a show at the Double Door in Wicker Park tonight. But when the drummer heard that Naughty America celebrities would be prancing around Joe’s this evening, he had a bit of a change in heart. “Forget about the...
The Neverending Magical Limo Tour
I’ve always wondered what porn actresses do when they’re in a stretch limo. Do they go down on each other? Do they lounge around in crotchless panties and play with themselves? Do they grab guys off the street and do ‘em? Well, I sat around in a limo this afternoon with four porn actresses and got to see what really happens behind the tinted windows. But being allowed into their...
““Are you a Naughty American?”
“I am today.””
– Conversation between Mika Tan and Rich the limo driver
So what is Naughty America? It's a lifestyle!
So Mika, Milan, Sophia, and Roxy are at the Sears Tower. So Mika makes sure to introduce herself to men who look like they recognize her (and also ones that don’t). So we go to the 99th floor to look out at Chicago and all the people are looking at our celebrities. So we’re on our way down and this sweet-looking girl who seems underage asks one of us, “What is Naughty...
It's not a heavy petting zoo....
While on the way to Licoln Park Zoo, the limo passes by a petting zoo. Mika Tan asks: “Is that a heavy petting zoo?” Everyone laughs. Then Mika relates this touching moment from her past. “When I was growing up, my Dad wanted to know how serious I was with my first boyfriend so he asked me if we were heavy petting. “I didn’t understand him. Then he asked what base we...
Guys, your back hair can be awesome!
Roxy Deville has a unique view on what is attractive. Remember, her favorite movie is The Garbage Pail Kids. Anyway, after riding around the North Shore park with Sophia Lomeli, Mika Tan and Milan, Deville couldn’t stop talking about the most incredible sight in all of Chicago. “Oh my God, there was this 70-year-old man in a blue Speedo with the biggest clump of back hair ever! It was...
Setting up LIVE at Joe's Bar!
This is awesome, hope you all watch the party LIVE @ 8:30pm Central time. See you then! Xo Lauren
Limo day 2
While driving through Lincoln Park and seeing wild geese by the pond: Alicia: “Did you know that geese mate for life?” Eddie: “That’s going to be me, I’m going to find a mate for life!” Leopard J Ferry: “You’re going to fuck a goose?”
Kanye gets the invite
Kanye is eating brunch by himself in the hotel restaurant. StarGirl walked up to him, gave him a Naughty America t-shirt and invited him to the party. He said he wanted to come, but he’s got a concert tonight. Look for Kanye to come down with a throat ailment and cancel the concert. —leopardjferry